Five Minute Friday {Lonely}

I am that mom who never really goes anywhere. Who spends a lot of time in her pajamas. Who always brushes her teeth, but it sometimes happens just seconds before the husband walks through the door. I am chasing a soon-to-be preschooler who runs through our house like a banshee. And a little girl who rolls all over the living room. But mostly to cords and outlets and shoes that didn’t quite make it into the basket. I know that God is always just a whisper away, but the ache from being the only grown-up for hours on end is taxing. Being the only caregiver to a little girl with such demanding needs wears me down. Makes me realize that I have a permanent ponytail crease. And a boy who wants to be big and little at the same time and clings to me, thinking I can meet his every need and read his thoughts. Well, he exhausts me. Most days. Some days are filled with so much at-home therapy and diaper-washing and Lego-building and poop-wiping and dishwasher-loading and laundry-folding and sign language-learning, that I don’t even have a moment to realize that I haven’t spoken a multi-syllabic word in hours. Yet I have been talking to my mini-me and her brother all day long. I am so absorbed with it all that I don’t even have time to consume the one gallon of water a day this 4 pound baby in my body requires. And sometimes I just sneak into our room and gaze at an engagement photo that reminds me of a time when I was desirable and wearing a ring that is now hidden away while my 8 month pregnant fingers are swollen to twice their normal size. When he, the man who married a woman who used to wear fragrance, finally walks through that front door, my mouth just starts running about everything I have wanted to say all day. And I feel the need to tell him all that I have done. As if my very existence as a stay-at-home mom needs to be justified. Every evening between 6 and 7 o’clock. And I tell him news about people he has never even met from my online circle. And I beg him to tell me something, just anything, that doesn’t involve a rhyme or a fable. Then, I realize I am competing with a three-year-old who also wants to tell about his entire day and ask 1.2 million questions. A verbal assault on my introverted husband takes place as this lonely extroverted wife races to get in words during the little man’s breaths. The soon-to-be preschooler, who has demanded my attention for hours on end, has planted his target on a devoted Daddy who just walked through the door with his game face on. Ready to meet all our needs, while picking up a beautiful child babbling and squealing, “Dada, dada, dada…”

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Time’s Up!

Five Minute Friday

Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Be generous and leave an encouraging comment for the person who linked up before you. That’s the best part about this community.

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5 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday {Lonely}

  1. Yetunde says:

    Wow! I get it. You put it very eloquently and I get it. It’s like every body’s got their cross of loneliness to carry isn’t it?!

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  2. Oh how familiar your day sounds, and only those who’ve lived through that day themselves can ever understand. May God give you peace and joy as you go about the most amazing but most incredibly hard job on earth.

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  3. Meta says:

    :) I hear you, this extroverted lonely mom with an introverted single-syllable husband as well. :) I have many of those days too. But be encouraged. our lonely days are not forever. Our lonely days have a limit. our children will be old and grown and maybe ady may still be rolling around the house… but with a walker and not on the floor with her body… but kids will grow up, and you will have friends again that are not of the diaper-needing-changing kid. You are doing an amazing job, mama. God put you where you need to be, for the kids that need you.

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  4. Jaimie says:

    Honestly…I feel like that this is going to be me. I’m quite extraverted with a quite introverted husband, and I already struggle to not bombard him with everything I want to tell him when he comes home each day. I feel like that’s going to be a lot harder when we have children.

    But I also know–and thank you for this reminder–that as “lonely” as I might feel, I won’t be ALONE. There are a lot of other people out there now like me, and there will be then, too.

    You’re doing a great job: don’t lose hope, and remember–you can do ALL things (even the tough job of “mother”) through Christ who gives you strength!!

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  5. This is wonderful. I love your transparent heart. I know how you feel. I’ve been there much younger and am now there again much older. This too shall pass, and then you will be lonely for who they were when they were little. It’s a vicious cycle, yet all so wonderful at the same time! God bless you! Have a wonderful weekend with your sweet family.

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