Thursday, I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together. I am on three hours of sleep since Tuesday morning. Bess is sick and having a tough time with the drainage and discomfort. She is also still just adjusting to life outside the womb. So many sounds and lights and crazy faces from Graham…who vacillates between trying to injure her and love her to death. Both are dangerous and are making me a nervous wreck. Adelaide is teething nine teeth. And she is trying to army crawl. That is a blessing. It is just hard watching her try over and over again. She is determined to crawl and I am so proud of her. I still have that pain from knowing in my mama heart that it will take a long time. Keep going, baby. You can do it. Don’t give up. Don’t go back to rolling everywhere.
I got in the shower while Bess slept for 12 minutes. And I cried. The tears of a tired mom who just isn’t sure how she is going to keep going without either 12 straight hours of beauty sleep or the world’s largest Coke Zero. Since I don’t do caffeine until they wean, sleep is my only option. Bess is still nursing every two hours. And she has needed to be held for two nights in a row. All night.
This Mutemath song. This right here.
“I just can’t hold it together.”
I am off to get in a few minutes before Bess wakes to nurse. Or Graham wakes and asks to sleep in our bed. Or Adelaide cries out with teething pain.
I hate Halloween, but I am glad I will be able to get some clearance candy soon. I consumed the last of the freezer chocolate today…
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