“Daddy, can Mama poke your eye wif a pasghetti noodle?” {aka Graham’s first sexuality talk}

Graham already knows that he has a penis. He knows that girls do not have them. He knows that girls have ‘breastes’ and Bess eats from mine.

But there was a lot Graham didn’t know, so Dave and I gave our first sexuality talk. We have been praying about it for a couple of weeks, but there is a time for prayer and there is a time to tell your 4-year-old who can and cannot touch him in his underwear area. Not the most fun thing about being a parent. But it needed to be done. And we want Graham to be healthy and to have healthy relationships.

Dave jumped on the internet and did some research over at Focus on the Family. Their stuff is always solid and it did not fail us today. There were exact points to make, questions to ask, info about sexual abuse, and guidelines for every age range. We were ready. We put Adelaide and Bess to bed, gave one another the we-can-do-this face, and sat down with Graham at the kitchen island.

We dumped out some Legos, because I learned with my special education background that boys more easily talk about things if they are doing something else. Drawing, building, walking, etc. We also grabbed Adelaide’s Geo and Mili dolls from Team UmiZoomi. Because no conversation about butts is complete without our math-minded buddies.

Dave started off by talking about how God made us. We talked about Adam and Eve. We talked about marriage. Then, we started talking about bodies. Graham was great at identifying all our body parts. We have legs, knees, feet, and lots of toes. He doesn’t yet have a name for female genitals, but he knew the words he was supposed to know: penis, butt, girl’s front, and ‘breastes’…he showed us on the dolls where those parts were all located. We talked about how God made our whole body and it is good. God made our special parts. They aren’t bad, they just have some rules to keep them safe. We talked about how our special parts are not supposed to be touched by anyone else and how we are not supposed to touch other people’s penises, butts, breasts, or places in their underwear. We differentiated between appropriate and inappropriate touch. The boy is officially potty-trained {YES, you heard that correctly!}, but he still needs some help wiping after he poops.

We role-played. “Pretend I am a girl at Chick-fil-A and I walk up to you and want to see your penis. What do you do?” “I says NO and I tell Mommy and Daddy!” “Pretend I am a boy at Sonic and I ask you to touch my penis. What do you do?” “I says NO and I run to tell Mommy and Daddy!” You get the picture. We played this game for awhile with lots of different people and scenarios.

We also explained to Graham that when a Mommy and Daddy get married, they are allowed to touch one another in the special parts that God gave us. Then, Graham got a pensive look and asked, “Daddy, can Mama poke your eye wif a pasghetti noodle?”

After some review and reverse role-play, we were satisfied that Graham knew what we were talking about and we ate some Starburst. We survived the first sexuality talk.


And, no, I don’t poke people in the eye with spaghetti noodles…

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7 thoughts on ““Daddy, can Mama poke your eye wif a pasghetti noodle?” {aka Graham’s first sexuality talk}

  1. Meta says:

    I would still love to know your answer to his question of if you can poke his eye with a pashetti noodle. :)


  2. Julie says:

    Such great stuff here! And hilarious at the same time. I need to have this kind of talk with Mase. I’m considering your post a bit of a pep talk. Thank you!


  3. […] a ‘hiding game’ from someone, well, that affects all our interactions. We had to have talks about our body, and set up safeguards, and it was uncomfortable at best. We had to tell Sunday School techers. We had to private message parents of Graham’s friends. […]


  4. Ali Armstrong says:

    Again, you rock! You are officially on my list of parents I want to be like when I’m a grown-up (says the almost 30 year old mom)!


  5. […] 3. We have special parts. We don’t let people see or touch our special parts. If anyone tries, we tell a safe grownup right away. I stress over and over again that Graham will never ever ever be in trouble for coming to us and saying that someone touched him. I don’t want him to ever feel shame for someone else’s actions. And we don’t touch or look at other people’s special parts. We also stress that God meant for only a husband and wife to touch one another’s special parts, and even husbands and wives still decide when and how they want their special parts touched. We have had lots of talks about sexuality, but nothing beats our first. It was hilariously awkward. […]


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