My Favorite Christmas Album {On a June Monday}

I know it’s only June, but this album is perfect for those moments when you need to remember that you are a sinner raising little sinners on those no-patience/no-peace/no-cartoon days and you are already counting down the hours until their Daddy walks through the door and calling out to your Daddy in heaven for grace on this Monday {and every day} journey.

behold the lamb of god

 

And this album calmed the 4-year-old boy who had been screaming for more than 90 minutes about watching a tooth fairy show. And you don’t even do the tooth fairy thing. And he screams, “I don’t like you. I hates you. I don’t love you. I just want Daddy. I don’t wants you no more!” And you don’t take it personally, because you know that he is tired and he lives with two little sisters and he is feeding off your stress. But you do take it personally, because you went through 18 hours of non-epiduraled labor and an emergency c-section to bring his little now-flailing self into this world. So how can he not be happy with the person who fed him for 39 weeks in the womb and then 14 months and 3 days of round the clock nursing? But the person who created both of us and everything around us and all the things we don’t see or understand asks the same question. “How can you not be happy with Me right now when you think your world seems to be spiraling more and more out of control, but you know it really isn’t. Because I created spirals and I am at the center and the outskirts of them.” But He still listens when you ask, “How much more? How much more do you expect me to take?” He has fed you for 31 years and some change and you still question.

And this album reminds you that you are just like that 4-year-old, but you don’t care as much about the tv or all the other things he screams. And you don’t question God’s love at all or tell Him that you don’t love Him. But you question how ill-equipped you feel to take everything on. And He is laughing at you. A little chuckle. He never asked you to take it on. But you have such a hard time laying everything down. The pain of the known and unknown. The past and the future. The present. Which is crushing you beneath laundry and dishes and laundry and toys and laundry. Yet, the laundry is really the least of your concerns today. You are more worried about the 4-year-old who needs a mom who didn’t lose it today and yell back, “I don’t care that you don’t like me today.” And he cried so hard, because you are supposed to be the strong, calm one. And you know when you yell from your own heart, “How on earth am I supposed to deal with all these things?” He doesn’t yell back, “I have no idea! Suck it up, Buttercup.”

And this album has a song about giving birth. Birthing Jesus. And how there was pain and tears and joy. And you are reminded that this child in the song and the child curled up in your lap are both gifts. Blessings. And even on the days when you blow it because there are things going on that no one knows about and no one can help you with and recovery is snuggling and a milk cup and so many “I’m sorrys.” you are still the mom He chose for the boy. And the daughter He chose for Himself. Even though you are more the Joseph, who wanted to just walk away and say, “This isn’t what I signed up for. This. All this is too much.” instead of the Mary, who said, “Of course.” because she knew that He wouldn’t have signed her up for a life He wasn’t going to be walking right with her. He still chose you.

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