I Can’t Carry My World

As I get older, time seems to move faster. I remember being a kid and adults saying things like that. I would nod my head and secretly think that all grownups were just too busy. I make it a habit to keep our family’s schedule as open as possible. I want a rhythm of rest, not of rush, for the little ducklings waddling after me all day long. We stay home a lot, and I love that we have so much margin in our day.

But January was hard and overwhelming and I felt like I blinked and all the days were behind me. Last Thursday, I loaded the girls into the van after therapy and just felt defeated. There wasn’t anything in particular. It was just one of those heavy-hearted moments. And I said, “God, I feel so crushed.” And I felt Him say, “Isaiah 46.”

1 Bel bows down, Nebo stoops low; their idols are borne by beasts of burden. The images that are carried about are burdensome, a burden for the weary. 2 They stoop and bow down together; unable to rescue the burden, they themselves go off into captivity. 3 Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob, all the remnant of the people of Israel, you whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried since you were born. 4 Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. 5 With whom will you compare me or count me equal? To whom will you liken me that we may be compared? 6 Some pour out gold from their bags and weigh out silver on the scales; they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god, and they bow down and worship it. 7 They lift it to their shoulders and carry it; they set it up in its place, and there it stands. From that spot it cannot move. Even though someone cries out to it, it cannot answer; it cannot save them from their troubles. 8 Remember this, keep it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. 9 Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.10 I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’ 11 From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do.12 Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted, you who are now far from my righteousness.13 I am bringing my righteousness near, it is not far away; and my salvation will not be delayed. I will grant salvation to Zion, my splendor to Israel.

I was only feeling crushed because I was trying to carry it all. I had forgotten that it wasn’t my place. Then, this song came on in our van. Atlas.

I love how God uses music to speak to me in ways I can’t quite explain. Chris Martin and I most definitely agree on almost nothing theologically or philosophically, but most of his songs resonate in my soul. This isn’t the time or place to talk about my opinions on ‘Christian’ music. They are just that, my opinions. And my heart wouldn’t come across through this screen. But I will say that God uses music from many artists to minister to me. My God, who created everything, is creative. And my soul yearns for creative things. I sobbed as I drove up Rangeline. And don’t you get goosebumps at 3:10? I have just always loved this song.

Heaven, we hope, is just up the road
Show me the way, Lord
‘Cause I am about to explode
Carry your world
I’ll carry your world
Carry your world
I’ll carry your world
Carry your world and all your hurt
Carry your world
Carry your world

I was just singing at the top of my lungs while the girls napped in the back. One hand in the air, praising God for a reminder that I am not supposed to carry it. He is carrying it.

Then, a friend shared this online. Talk about a loud-and-clear message from my Heavenly and Only Father. Thank you, Abba. Since you are the strongest, I am going to let you carry it all.

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