There is no manual for parenting a child with special needs. And the Bible is clear on many topics, but there is no chapter and verse outlining how to do this thing. There are so many gray areas. I have more questions than answers. I struggle with decision-making and am constantly battling the inner critic that says: you don’t know the right thing for Adelaide.
I just recently read Andy Stanley’s Ask It: The Question That Will Revolutionize How You Make Decisions.* It was a quick, yet thorough, read about this very dilemma. How do you make the best decision? How do you not mess things up? The answer was simple. Use wisdom. Ask yourself and others, “Is this wise?” He then elaborated on how we do that in practical ways based on our circumstances. A fantastic book. And funny.
It made me realize that I am always nervous about making a choice for Adelaide. Fearful that I will wreck her future. But the truth is that we make decisions based on what we think is best for her. And God understands that. We can’t possibly make perfect choices. We are two humans raising another human in a very fallen world. And we aren’t held accountable for more than that. We seek the Lord about every decision, but most times, we just keep moving forward. He doesn’t always impress on our hearts exactly what needs to be done. But he always grants wisdom.
We have some intense decisions to make soon. We have been praying, doing research, going through pros and cons, but there is no definitive answer. We are either choosing between seemingly morally neutral options or between two good things or two tough things. But every decision that we make for Adelaide affects our entire family. We have a family mission and are attempting to make choices that honor God, Adelaide, and our other children.
We have a genetics consult next week. We have been praying for wisdom and clarity, but a time will come when we will make some seriously life-changing decisions about Adelaide’s genes. When that time comes, we will just make the wisest decision we can make based on our circumstances. And that really is the best we can do. And I keep telling the inner critic to shush, as I use wisdom at every fork in the road. And I will be rereading all those pages I earmarked…
*The legal beagles want you to know that I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my thoughts. But I highly recommend it. I really do.