1. Receive text with promotion code for free Redbox rental.
2. Drive to Redbox kiosk and rent a movie using the promotion code.
3. Serve crockpot dinner. At least one child will complain.
4. Put away leftovers. So the same child can complain again two days from now.
5. Bathe children and ‘mop’ bathroom floor with one of yesterday’s towels.
6. Put children in nighttime diapers. And put clean sheets on the bed of the one who doesn’t wear diapers, but can’t seem to wake up long enough to find the only toilet in the house.
7. Attempt to find matching pajama top and bottoms in the laundry pile, but ultimately settle for Transformers bottoms with a Jake and the Neverland Pirates top.
8. Convince him that pajamas do not need to match in order to fulfill their duty.
9. Brush all teeth. Play the obligatory “Which toofpaste did I use?” smell-his-breath game.
10. Read books. Sing songs. Sign songs. Sign books.
11. Lead bedtime prayers.
12. Adminster kisses and hugs in their seemingly superstitious pattern.
13. Pick up toys. And towels. And throw all stray clean laundry back into the pile.
14. Start the dishes. Give up and leave them to soak.
15. Turn on free Redbox movie.
16. Fall asleep 23 minutes into the movie.
17. The following day, return the movie to any Redbox kiosk.
18. Receive text with promotion code for free Redbox rental.
19. Drive to Redbox kiosk and rent the same movie using the promotion code.
20. Repeat steps 3-19 a minimum of four times before actually staying awake long enough to see the movie.