Would You Like A Tour Of The House?

I am no good at the House Tour. One of my friends didn’t get ‘The Tour’ for three years. I am still unsure that anyone even wants to see the house, short of where they can pee while they are here. So showing my house to a new friend brings up weird anxiety for me. As a recovering people-pleaser who suffers from feeling like an underachiever, I see the House Tour as daunting and placing me in a vulnerable situation. It’s like putting all your imperfections on a spotlight lit stage.

It’s no secret we occupy 900 sq ft, which doesn’t include the area of our house in project/unlivable mode. I have no issues with living in a small space. I actually love it very much. There are so many advantages. But we have baskets overflowing with toys or papers or cloth diapers or special needs gear. {Don’t get me started on the gear. And I have a suggestion for the design people…let’s just use one color. It’s hard to have a cohesive home palette with the circus colors exploding off the fabric. Stander, I’m talking to you.} When you combine my personality with our house being under construction for nine years and throw in our strange life circumstances, you get an awkward Home Tour led by an awkward tour guide. It vacillates between what seems like bragging and self-deprecation. With an obnoxious number of apologies thrown in for good measure. I just don’t know what to say. It’s embarrassing.

So I decided to come up with alternatives for my typical commentary.

Before: “This is our living room. Sorry about the baby gates. And Laundry Chair. It’s always full of laundry. This is our buffet. We don’t have a dining room, so it’s in here. It’s one of my favorite pieces, even though one of the handles fell off. We have some baskets of toys. Sorry there aren’t that many. We don’t have a playroom. But we do have plenty of toys. And lots of books. We love to read. We need more shelves. We might do a built-in. Someday. Sorry about the carpet. Our vacuum broke and I used the ShopVac to get the big pieces. Dave rebuilt this entire wall and entryway. Sorry about the cobwebs.”

After: “This is our living room.”

Before: “Here is the kitchen. We tore everything out and completely rebuilt it. Dave built that pantry for me. I love it so much. We also use it for an office. That’s why those baskets are overflowing with stuff. We repurposed the cabinets here. Sorry for the crumbs on the floor, Adelaide makes a huge mess. Dave did an amazing job. It took a few years and one of the cabinet doors is falling off, but it’s beautiful. It could still use some work. We eat around the island instead of a table. But Dave built that butcher block for me. Isn’t it gorgeous? We can’t have friends over for dinner until we finish the dining room. Sorry about the clutter.”

After: “Here is the kitchen. Let me know if you want anything to eat or drink.”

Before: “Those doors lead to the laundry room and future dining room. We will also homeschool there. And we are turning the patio into a bedroom someday. It will add several hundred sq ft to our house. We aren’t planning on having a fourth child, but haven’t ruled it out. We don’t have room just yet, but babies sleep in our room until they are 6 months old. So we would have time to get a nursery ready. We gave away all our baby stuff, so we would be starting over. I am allowed one more c-section. I am so excited to homeschool this year! Sorry I can’t take you down there, it’s not very safe.”

After: “That door leads to the laundry room and some future spaces.”

Before: “Here’s the hallway. It took me five years to get these picture frames full. Sorry about the cobwebs.”

After: “Here’s the hall lightswitch if you need it.”

Before: “Here’s our bathroom. We tore out everything and rebuilt the entire thing. It took a couple years. I love our tile. It isn’t perfect at all, because I was still learning. Sorry for all the toothbrushes and toothpaste. Our holder needs to be replaced. I love our ceiling boards, but we need to repaint. I love our towel holder. We don’t have any clean hand towels. Sorry about that.”

After: “Here’s the bathroom.”

Before: “Here is our room. We are still painting. I absolutely adore the color. Those are my wedding flowers. I love looking at them. I paid a lot to preserve them. But I didn’t pay a lot for our wedding. I made a lot of things on my own. But I also had so much help. Dave bought these prints for us. I adore them, too. Sorry the room’s so tiny. We gave the Master Bedroom to the girls and took the office. And sorry for the drying diapers.”

After: “Here’s our bedroom.”

Before: “This is Graham’s room. We started transitioning him to a big boy room last year, but never finished. His sheets are in the washer, because he pees almost every night. I love his furniture. He was our first, so we went all out and it’s fabulous. All three kids share a closet. It’s the most organized part of our house. Dave built those shelves on that wall and I love them! We still have a lot to do in here. Sorry about the K’Nex everywhere.”

After: “This is Graham’s room.”

Before: “This is the girls’ room. I love it. It’s basically the most eclectic and amazing space in our house. It’s not done, because I need to finish the gallery wall. Sorry about all the gear. We also have toys in here, which I rotate out to the living room. I want to be buried in the vintage sheer mini polka dot curtains. Dave and I don’t have a closet in our room, so we use this one. Do you want to see the girls’ diapers? I have two bags of diapers under Adelaide’s crib for a Maybe Baby. That frame still needs to be filled. I haven’t even ordered the girls’ newborn hospital photos. I wonder if they still have them. I still have so much to do. Sorry for the dust everywhere.”

After: “This is the girls’ room.”

Before: “Our house is almost 75 years old, so there’s always work to do. But I love it and I love being here with my amazing blessings.”

After: “Our house is almost 75 years old, so there’s always work to do. But I love it and I love being here with my amazing blessings.”

My new friend, Jenny, is coming over this week with her girls. I am going to use my new House Tour script and see how it goes. I will most likely still end up being awkward, but I think almost anything is better than apologizing for toothpaste tubes on my bathroom sink.

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