Your Essential Oils Can’t Cure PMG

One of the toughest and funniest and scariest parts of writing is the feedback. When I started this journey, I was documenting everything for people who wanted to keep up with Adelaide’s special needs. Mostly friends and family. It branched out from there, but I was still getting free therapy from sharing her journey. I needed it.

But then feedback happened. Comments were made. I received messages. I didn’t make it a habit to respond to negative things, because I didn’t need to waste my time with complete strangers who thought I pottytrained incorrectly, or blasted me for not using government resources, or accused me of wasting water by washing my cloth diapers. But the negative comments and messages increased as I wrote more and was shared a bit.

Then, there were comments that actually made me stop and feel emotions. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. The comments about a cure were difficult to stomach. There is no cure for polymicrogyria. Nothing. Not one thing can fix Adelaide’s brain.

But it didn’t keep people from offering a cure. Or offering a reason why they thought I had caused this. Because that is always helpful…telling a mother you think she injured her own child in the very place created by God to grow and nurture a defenseless human.

“I sell essential oils. I just know that we have an oil to cure your daughter’s brain. You may have caused it by drinking diet soda. Let me know if you want to buy the oil.”

“PMG has no cure. Adelaide’s folds in her brain cannot be changed. If your oil could cure her, I believe her neurologist would’ve given you $35 and delivered it to us himself. He loves her that much. Your essential oils can’t cure PMG.”

“The oil is actually $40. I think you should try it. You could totally be an oily mama!”

This isn’t a post about essential oils. I won’t share my opinions here, and I am asking you to also check your opinions at the door. Rather, it’s a post about feedback. And writing. I would’ve protected myself from this hurtful encounter if no one actually knew about Adelaide. Her community is very small anyway, but something I wrote about her traveled out across the internet and placed a target on me. I placed it on myself. I wrote down my thoughts and someone used them against me in a pretty dubious way.

I am like a pendulum. Always swinging from shutting down the blog to seeking bigger opportunities. My fear of rejection and feedback makes the first option seem so attractive. But then I blast my thoughts and our story into the darkness and one person will say thank you for words she needed at 4am. The words I penned at 2am when I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t even tell you what my heart was crying.

And I don’t know the balance between writing for myself and writing for others. I just know that I need to write…no matter who is reading it. I want to improve. But I don’t want to change. Not even sure if that makes sense. I want to stay Lyndse at Little House In The City. I like her. Whether or not she caused her daughter’s disability.

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12 thoughts on “Your Essential Oils Can’t Cure PMG

  1. Delisa says:

    YOU DID NOT CAUSE HER DISABILITY!!!! I will say that to you everyday if I need to. You are a loving mother! I think people are crazy to say this!!

  2. Nicky says:

    I don’t know a lot about essential oils, but I do know that you’re her momma and you’ve explored every option to help your precious girl! I also know that you did NOT cause this! Keep strong and ignore any confused souls…

    PS complaining about water used to wash diapers makes me want to laugh a lot. The amount used compared to that consumed in the production of disposables is just laughable!

  3. laura says:

    I am so happy to find you! My daughter is 10 and has polymicrogyria. You are the first family I have ever come across who also has a child with the same disorder. Bless you for writing. I hope to read more from you. Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!
    Happy Mother’s Day!

  4. I just read your post on The Mighty. Great writing. Keep doing it for yourself, and if someone likes it, great! If not, who cares! Writing about your life and your little beauty is good for your soul, and good for others who need your encouragement and experience. In case you don’t know about it already, I’d like to suggest the PROWD page on Facebook. It’s a great community of families raising kids with many different types of special needs,. Lots of encouragement there, and your story would just add to the love already there. Thanks for sharing your life. <3

  5. Rachelle says:

    UGH, thank you so much. My daughter has CP, is a stroke survivor, has Hydrocephalus and is legally blind (but has some vision.) Her doctors and some of her therapists also suspect Autism, but her other conditions make it impossible to properly evaluate her for it.

    I constantly get hit up about the essential oils thing. And really every other gimmick or opinion on the market. Before my daughter was born, I managed a group home for adults with developmental disabilities. It happened to me then too, and these people weren’t even my kids!

    Sadly, it’s a part of being a caretaker for those with disabilities. Adults and children with disabilities (as well as their families) are at EXTREMELY high risk for financial exploitation (among other abuses). People know that caretakers are desperate to try anything that helps, and may be too stressed out to think rationally.

    Frankly, it’s offensive. She has BRAIN DAMAGE people. Your MLM snake oil cannot replace the dead tissue in her brain. Parents of special needs kids spend hundreds of hours researching the best care for their children. If there was a cure for whatever condition ailed their child, I’m positive we would have come across it during out dozens of weekly therapy/doctor appoints or our thousands of hours of conferences, IEP’s and internet reading. Seriously. Do people truly think we are so stupid as to have missed out on such an easily and cheaply available “cure” like the garbage DoTerra or Young Living sells? Give me a break.

    One of my former coworkers has a child with Down syndrome. She was told that some MLM pill could “cure” her kid too. It was practically vulgar, you can’t change someone’s genetic structure with a freaking pill.

    As for the opinions, yeah. I get that too. It’s always something. Especially out in public, because despite her long list of conditions, my daughter doesn’t “look disabled”. Even her wheelchair kind of looks like a stroller. I get the “control your child” or “if that kid were mine I would spank them” sort of thing pretty often in the grocery store. I’m like, “dude, you would spank a kid who can’t walk, talk or see and who has the intellectual ability of an infant? Get out of here with that crap.”

    I don’t always handle it gracefully. I need to learn a little more self-control if I’m to educate people. That being said, it’s SO, SO NICE to come across another parent who understands it. I feel like my husband and I are all alone in this situation sometimes!

  6. Catherine Reed says:

    Even if you drank diet soda out of toxic plastic, ate poisoned apples and other pesticide-laden foods, or ate organic carrots covered with who-knows-what micro-organism, you STILL did NOT cause your child’s disability! If you drink diet soda, you probably are trying to cut out sugar, and apples and carrots are full of nutrients good for a growing baby. I don’t think any mom ever has thought “I’m going to eat/drink this on purpose to give my baby a disability”. Those who blame you either feel guilty about something they are hiding or are just complete idiots; after all, when you point your finger at someone, three are pointing right back at you.

    No matter what you eat, drink, breathe, or bathe in, something about it will be bad for you, so just do what feels right for you and your family, and let the haters and doom-sayers find another target. Everything is going to kill you these days, if you believe all the news, so just live your best, and enjoy your life as much as you can.

  7. […] Your Essential Oils Can’t Cure PMG […]

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