I Don’t Need Another Day To Be Narcissistic

Several people asked how I could be okay with not being appreciated by my husband. Which made me realize that my post about Mother’s Day was obviously lacking some key information. Dave appreciates me every day. Well, just about. He is human, so I am sure there are days when he takes me for granted. And I know I do the same. But Mother’s Day isn’t supposed to be about my husband appreciating me…I’m not his mom.

Dave and I have been together for more than a decade. And I have watched him buy gifts for both our moms for more than a decade. Because they are our moms. When I became a mom, I automatically thought that would transfer to me. I had given him children for goodness sake. I had watched him shower our moms for years with cards, gifts, meals. Now it was my turn.

And nothing happened. You know the story. Nothing happened for a few crappy years. And I was angry. And hurt. Because I had turned the holiday…if we can even call it that…into Lyndse Is A Mom Day. I was a mom, so everyone had better start celebrating me. I didn’t care if you were a random stranger at church, I sure hoped you greeted me with “Happy Mother’s Day!” And they greeted every woman who walked in the door that way, so I knew it was going to happen. It’s a horrible thing to admit. How quickly I turn things into something ugly and self-centered.

I am a human who tends to be narcissistic. If not kept in check, I can turn any day into Lyndse Is A {Fill-in-the-blank} Day. Christmas is about Jesus. But let’s talk about all the times I placed expectations on people thinking about me and what I thought I needed on that day. Easter is about Jesus. How can I still have expectations for that day? Oh, it’s possible. I had to give up expectations for the perfect little family photo on that day. Because, somehow, we humans took the day about Jesus conquering death and made moms feel like they needed spring pictures. I don’t even know how it happened, but it did.

Those are actual holy days about holy things and a holy being, which humans have turned into days about ourselves. It’s what we do. So, it is even easier for me to become a monster on a made-up holiday meant to celebrate humans. Human day. The day when humans thank the humans who raise other humans. Gosh, that’s a lot of pressure. The equation is already one step closer since it’s not even about someone bigger than me. Yes, God commanded us to honor our moms. He didn’t command me to want people to honor me once a year on a date marked on a calendar.

I can only speak for myself, but I turned Mother’s Day into Lyndse Is A Mother Day…where she also still honored her moms. But still thought about herself. From the moment she woke up until her head hit her pillow. It was so natural to make it about me. Me. Me. Me. The Me Monster is always there. And it can never be satisfied. So even if Dave did shower me with gifts and cards and praises all day on the second Sunday of May, I would still end the day disappointed. Because I would’ve spent an entire day thinking of, well, Lyndse. And narcissism can’t be satisfied.

If Mother’s Day is going to work, it can’t be about Lyndse. It must be about honoring the woman who raised me for thirty-some years. And the woman who raised Dave for thirty-some years. Because this day was never supposed to be about me. It was supposed to be a day for me to thank someone else for sacrificing and loving and nurturing another person. Qualities of God seen in women.

But that’s not what Mother’s Day was for me. And so I broke up with it. I broke up with expecting my husband to spend the day feeding into my narcissistic nature on some predetermined day. I released him from taking the day he celebrates his mom and making it about Lyndse. He wasn’t going to do it anyway, but at least we were both on the same page.

Graham made me a card. With a handprint. I love love love it. And my girls are too young to thank me for being their mom. But I had an amazing day. I spent my day with people I love. Just enjoying one another. We took cards and gifts to our moms. Dave said, “Happy Mother’s Day!” more than once to our moms. He honored them and thanked them. Because it was Mother’s Day. And they have been mothering him for years.

So, the way we do this whole Mother’s Day thing works for us. For our family. It works for me to get up and enjoy my day, honoring the women who have mothered before me. Not expecting anything from anyone, but pleasantly surprised by the times when people do take a moment to focus on me. But this narcissistic mom is so blessed to have a day free from myself. A day that isn’t about me. I don’t need a day solely dedicated to me. I think about myself enough as it is. Just being really honest. Even though it’s a pretty yucky thing to admit.

But I sincerely hope you enjoyed however you chose to spend your Mother’s Day. There isn’t some Gospel truth about this deal, so we are all left to figure out what works for us and our families. I follow the 25 year rule on many things. Will I have peace about this choice 25 years from now? Will this even matter 25 years from now? I can say yes. When I am in my late fifties, I will be pleased with stress-free May Sundays and lots of memories with our moms and fewer days thinking about myself. So, we move on and keep doing what we’re doing. And you move on and continue what works for you. Be blessed.

 

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One thought on “I Don’t Need Another Day To Be Narcissistic

  1. […] next year, I decided to release Dave from all of it. The over-the-top-craziness of a holiday that I just couldn’t handle. I didn’t even tell Dave he was released. I just did it. He had spent an entire year, minus […]

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