My God Didn’t Make My Baby Disabled

“Just remember, God made your baby this way so she could inspire others. This is exactly how He wants her. Special babies for special parents.” When Adelaide was almost a year old, a stranger said this to me. While other kids were crawling around, and my daughter was strapped into a seat and unable to even sit up. Her words were meant to be sweet. She seemed like a nice person. But she was wrong. And every other person who has uttered those same words to me. They are all wrong. I do not believe my God would intentionally make a child suffer in order to inspire others. God doesn’t say to Himself, “Let’s alter her genetic code. When she struggles more in life than other kids her age, people will get warm fuzzies from her slow, yet brave, progress.” This is ridiculous to say, but that’s the crux behind all the “God made her this way” statements. They are theologically unfounded and unfair to God. When people believe that God “makes ‘special’ kids” they are missing His character. No loving parent ever desires for a child to be born with a disability. And if earthly parents want their children to be whole and well, how could we expect a perfect Father to desire anything different? Our world is fallen. Things aren’t right here. Cancer runs rampant. Women miscarry. And babies are born with disabilities. But God doesn’t make these things happen. These things are products of an effed up world. Where sin runs amuck. And where biological processes are altered and so very far from perfect. God isn’t distant. He will make good come from these things, if we allow Him, but He didn’t cause them. The womb is not excluded from the reaches of a fallen world. Some women who would be great mothers are not able to have children. Some women who shouldn’t be allowed to own goldfish become mothers. Time and time again.  Creation in the womb is a mystery. We know about eggs and sperm, but they don’t follow perfect rules. And there isn’t a positive correlation between how much you work to get a child and how much you love a child. Some couples create a child their first time making love. Other couples try for years. Use medication, doctors, needles, and it still doesn’t result in life. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. Babies die in the womb. In childbirth. In a street. In their eighties. Life and death don’t follow formulas, because the formula was messed up in a garden. God can make good from our messes, but He doesn’t stick his fingers into an unborn baby’s brain and scramble things up a bit. He doesn’t give a woman a needle full of drugs. He doesn’t hand someone a glass of champagne before she even gets a positive pregnancy test. He doesn’t cause a doctor to injure a child in a birthing suite. Or cause a drunk driver to hit a child on a bicycle. Yet, people say, “Don’t worry, Mama, she is exactly how God wants her to be.” And I am going to start saying, “No. That’s not true. God doesn’t want Adelaide like this. He knows that when she is with Him one day, she will be perfect and whole. That’s the truth.” No baby is perfect. The only perfect baby was Jesus. Our babies are all human. Imperfect. Every single baby is imperfect. Needing love and care and Jesus to redeem them. That’s the reality. And if you believe that God is making ‘special’ children for ‘special’ parents, then you must also believe that He is causing drug-induced birth defects and premature births and injuries and knowingly inserting children into dangerous wombs of unfit mothers or into wombs where they will be aborted or into wombs where they become idols expected to fulfill dreams they can’t possibly live up to. I don’t understand all the mysteries of conception, development, birth, and this unpredictable ride we call life. But I do know that I will no longer allow people to say in front of my daughter that our God made her this way. We are all broken people in a broken world. None of us will be whole until our journeys here end. Do not teach my child that God breaks some of us more than others. My God didn’t make my baby disabled. That is not the God who sent His only child into this world to save me and mine.


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8 thoughts on “My God Didn’t Make My Baby Disabled

  1. Very good handling of a complicated and controversial topic. It means even more that it comes from someone who has personally had to wrestle with it and not from someone for whom it is merely an intellectual exercise.


  2. Raph says:

    Maybe there are no gods, and this stuff just happens and we deal with it the best we can. Whatever we believe, whatever disability our child has, whatever struggles we face, having strangers, acquaintances, or family members handing us their own weird doctrine definitely does not help!


  3. […] who can live his life never wondering. And I keep envy in check when I hear people talk about their ‘perfect’ babies. But it’s not […]


  4. […] I just held my small baby bump. Dave looked over and said, “Every single baby comes from a messy gene pool. It’s a crapshoot. But we’re in this together.” He thought I was fearful for Baby […]


  5. […] Someone else came up to see what was wrong. I told her the news. “Well, maybe it was for the best. It could’ve been disabled.” I politely walked away. I didn’t have time or energy to explain to a stranger how wrong it is to say that a child is better off dead than living with a disability. […]


  6. […] My God Didn’t Make My Baby Disabled […]


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