Mom Confession: A Weighty Issue

I lost 85 pounds in 17 months.

I was nursing a kiddo with allergies/intolerances. No gluten. No wheat. No dairy of any kind. Absolutely no cows milk proteins. No egg yolks. No egg whites. No cocoa or chocolate. No peaches.

I nursed Bess 18 months. And I ate around the clock. Literally. My friends called it The Bess Diet. Eat all the time and still lose weight.

Then, I had to wean her. My dad-in-law was days from dying, and we weren’t sure where Bess would be during the funeral. I was getting ready for a trial that was supposed to take place in April, and I knew Bess was staying behind.

The truth is that I’m so bad at pumping. Horrible. I just nurse my kids and I’m rarely away from them. So, when I knew I’d be away twice in one month, I decided to wean her.

We weaned. And it was horrible. She didn’t do well with the almond milk. She went on a drinking strike for almost two days. I was about to start nursing her again, but I knew we were supposed to wean. I couldn’t even pump enough to keep her going while I was gone, so she would need to adjust to the almond milk eventually.

I was also very emotional. I had so much going on in my life. Then, I added weaning my last baby. And my body hated me. I had nursed for more than 4 total years. I had been lactating for more than 6 years straight. Then, I was done.

But I kept eating. Then I comfort ate after my dad-in-law died. And I stress ate through arraignments and deadlines and plea bargains. And I over ate, because my body was still lactating…but no one was nursing.

I gained back 21 pounds in less than 3 months. I logged into MyFitnessPal and tracked my calories for one day. 2300. I was still eating what I ate while nursing. At 2300 calories a day, I lost weight when I was nursing. But once Bess was done, I was eating more than a man should be eating. And I’m not running marathons. If you see me running, I’m running from a wasp.

So I started watching every calorie, tracking my cardio and new strength training, and I gained 4 more pounds and several inches. My pants wouldn’t fit. I had to start wearing my maxi skirts again…the yoga pants of the mom wardrobe.

I know it will take awhile to get back down to my goal weight. When I weaned Bess, I was 2 pounds under my goal. Back down to my engagement weight. And feeling fabulous.

I don’t feel fabulous right now. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel slightly out of control. So I am back on track now, but I have a lot of work to do. My body is still always looking for a nursling, but those days are over.

And I am also in the position of being careful about how much attention I give to my body weight. Because I am recovering from lifelong body image issues. Buying shorts was such a gigantic step for me, because I have spent more than a quarter of a century with body issues.

There you have it. Just some thrown together thoughts on nursing, weight, and body image. Time to go eat some Starburst. Just kidding. Maybe.

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3 thoughts on “Mom Confession: A Weighty Issue

  1. Love you, Lyndse! You’ve got this!

  2. […] I told Dave (and the friend who is training me) that I wouldn’t weigh in or take my measurements or stress about my calories all month. They both told me to just do what I was supposed to be doing…strength training and cardio and eating healthy foods and increasing my water intake…and just forget about the numbers. […]

  3. […] That’s the problem with being a complete nutcase abuse survivor…I’m always retraining my brain. […]

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