I lost 85 pounds in 17 months.
I was nursing a kiddo with allergies/intolerances. No gluten. No wheat. No dairy of any kind. Absolutely no cows milk proteins. No egg yolks. No egg whites. No cocoa or chocolate. No peaches.
I nursed Bess 18 months. And I ate around the clock. Literally. My friends called it The Bess Diet. Eat all the time and still lose weight.
Then, I had to wean her. My dad-in-law was days from dying, and we weren’t sure where Bess would be during the funeral. I was getting ready for a trial that was supposed to take place in April, and I knew Bess was staying behind.
The truth is that I’m so bad at pumping. Horrible. I just nurse my kids and I’m rarely away from them. So, when I knew I’d be away twice in one month, I decided to wean her.
We weaned. And it was horrible. She didn’t do well with the almond milk. She went on a drinking strike for almost two days. I was about to start nursing her again, but I knew we were supposed to wean. I couldn’t even pump enough to keep her going while I was gone, so she would need to adjust to the almond milk eventually.
I was also very emotional. I had so much going on in my life. Then, I added weaning my last baby. And my body hated me. I had nursed for more than 4 total years. I had been lactating for more than 6 years straight. Then, I was done.
But I kept eating. Then I comfort ate after my dad-in-law died. And I stress ate through arraignments and deadlines and plea bargains. And I over ate, because my body was still lactating…but no one was nursing.
I gained back 21 pounds in less than 3 months. I logged into MyFitnessPal and tracked my calories for one day. 2300. I was still eating what I ate while nursing. At 2300 calories a day, I lost weight when I was nursing. But once Bess was done, I was eating more than a man should be eating. And I’m not running marathons. If you see me running, I’m running from a wasp.
So I started watching every calorie, tracking my cardio and new strength training, and I gained 4 more pounds and several inches. My pants wouldn’t fit. I had to start wearing my maxi skirts again…the yoga pants of the mom wardrobe.
I know it will take awhile to get back down to my goal weight. When I weaned Bess, I was 2 pounds under my goal. Back down to my engagement weight. And feeling fabulous.
I don’t feel fabulous right now. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel slightly out of control. So I am back on track now, but I have a lot of work to do. My body is still always looking for a nursling, but those days are over.
And I am also in the position of being careful about how much attention I give to my body weight. Because I am recovering from lifelong body image issues. Buying shorts was such a gigantic step for me, because I have spent more than a quarter of a century with body issues.
There you have it. Just some thrown together thoughts on nursing, weight, and body image. Time to go eat some Starburst. Just kidding. Maybe.