Why I Don’t Have A Bible

“Julie said bring Bibles.” A text from a friend. It stopped my day.

I went to a Bible Study last week. And it was way out of my comfort zone. Women I didn’t know. At all. In a house I had never visited. And I almost cancelled several dozen times.

“Julie said bring Bibles.” Awesome. I had my Bible app on my phone, but no Bible. Nothing to actually flip through.

Eighteen months ago, I tossed my Bible in a trash can and muttered some curse words. My Bible had been a gift from my dad. Filled with an inscription to me…the song he wrote for my baby dedication and the song he played at my wedding. And almost all the notes, highlights, underlines, and arrows were from sermons he preached.

Beth Moore asked us to get out our Bibles. Every woman, but me, got out a paper Bible. Gilded, onion-skin papers rustling. As I swyped on my screen that’s taped over with box tape. My phone making pong-type noises. Is there an app to make your phone rustle? There should be…

In that moment, I couldn’t say to a room of strangers, “I had a Bible. Filled with  Greek and Hebrew and crap tons of important stuff. Had to toss it, because three decades of my life were a sham. And no one can be expected to read the Bible given to them by their molester.” But of course I can’t say that.

So the rustling and pong-ing continued for an hour and I sat there realizing there is a blessing in knowing almost no one, but the curse of loneliness. Of being different.

Of those 9 women, was I the only abused one? It sure felt like it. I don’t know their stories. But no one else looked like she was going to toss her bonded leather book into the garbage and say some words Beth Moore would never dare say.

But I’m going back. The study is fantastic so far. I actually managed to fill in all the blanks and look up all the verses on my phone and read all the commentary. It’s a first, I think. To finish my Bible Study homework more than 15 minutes before class starts.

And I’m saving calories today, because there were snacks last time. Food I was expected to share with no one. It’s like Mom Paradise. And I can eat while I read my Bible app. The food wipes right off the box tape.


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2 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Have A Bible

  1. rainy says:

    Hugs! Love your writing! Some day…u may want to get a new bible…til then….go box tape! I use my app a lot as well…cause well I have kids who destroy things


  2. […] sausage.” “I scooped out the sausage for the kids. I’ll see if they eat it while you’re at Bible Study.” “They gave this 5 […]


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