Five Minute Friday | Hope

Ready, set, go…

I have a love/hate relationship with Adelaide’s progress. When she does anything new, I practically throw a ticker tape parade. But then I quickly remember just how far behind we are. How we are so far from where she should be. And when I’m honest about these feelings, most people try to say stuff about how God will work through it. Or the dreaded ‘normal is just a setting on a dryer’ bumper sticker response. I can’t just pour out my heart about how incredibly difficult it is to watch my kid try to stand a hundred times in one day and not succeed. Before someone says that she will inspire others with her deficits, I double dare them to spend one day watching her try. Or not try. Some days, she does nothing. Nothing at all. And I post all these positive inchstones to avoid the label of Negative Nancy, but there are days when my hope is gone. There are days when I realize I will still be doing the beginning stages of mothering when all my peers are grandmothers and great-grandmothers. I get the opportunity to raise this incredible person, who will most likely live with me until I am too old to care for her. That’s not what I thought would happen. No thought of disability was in my mind until it was our life. My plans were changed for me. And I still battle with that reality, while people migrate in and out of her life. I am the constant. And I can’t do it all or even delegate it all. So, I rejoice that she said ‘walk’ today. But she can’t even do what she said. She can’t walk. And we don’t know if she ever will. I keep the hope, but I also cry at the irony and wonder what I can do, if anything, to get us closer to independence. Whatever that looks like for her.

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Time’s up.

You can join me with your five minutes of raw and unedited thoughts. No judgment from me if you feel like you were sucker-punched today.

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3 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday | Hope

  1. denise says:

    God bless your precious heart, asking God to continue to wash over you with hope.

    Like

  2. Lizzy says:

    Thanks for sharing your beautiful, real, honest thoughts. They are nothing to be ashamed of, you are a human with your hand tucked in Gods.

    Like

  3. Crystal Lehr says:

    I just wanted to take a second and say thank you. Your honesty about being a mom makes me feel like I’m not alone in my struggles. I often feel like I’m failing at being a mom, and I so appreciate that I’m not alone. My heart rejoices in your honesty and very evident love for your kiddos even when you do feel like you’re not living up to the standard you’ve got in your head. Thank you for being brave and sharing. I think your children are beautiful and that you seem to be doing a wonderful job loving and caring for them. I keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope that in your moments of doubt and hopelessness God will send His perfect reminders that don’t ever feel like platitudes.

    Like

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