Five Minute Friday | Limit

Ready, set, go…

“We can’t underwrite your policy due to your drug use.” It ended up being a clerical error. Someone checked the drug box. Who applies for life insurance while on drugs, anyway? A nurse came to our house. Weighed me. Took my urine. Two vials of blood. Cried with me about losing the twins. I told her I had taken an 800 Ibuprofen 3 days before. She told me I had ridiculously perfect blood pressure. But someone somewhere said I was a druggie. I have had one sexual partner. I’ve never smoked, done any drugs, or been drunk. And I had one very questionable moving violation when I was 16. The officer said I didn’t come to a complete stop. He said he turns his eyes at reckless disregard for speed limits, but failing to stop actually kills people. I resisted the urge to ask for statistics of how many people were killed by my supposed stop sign roll with zero cars around vs. a speeding vehicle causing a truck to jack-knife on the highway. But I kept my mouth shut and paid the ticket. I should’ve gone to court. I would’ve won. On my application, I marked the ‘no’ box for every risky behavior: paragliding, rock climbing, motocross, and traveling to the Middle East. Honestly, I’m a homebody. My riskiest behavior is taking three kids to the grocery store. Preschooler in a wheelchair. Wearing my toddler. And keeping my kindergartner from touching every piece of produce. I do a fine job dragging a cart behind us. But then a random stranger always says something rude to me. And I suppress the urge to throatpunch that person. That clearly shows I am a responsible person who deserves life insurance. Their form didn’t have a box about taking strong-willed kids to buy almond milk, but it should have…because that is a better question than asking me how many times I’ve gone bungee jumping. I need this policy. Navigating my bathtub is more dangerous than a crocodile hunt in the bayou…


Time’s up!

Join me at with your own five minutes of unedited, raw, zany, or poignant writing.


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One thought on “Five Minute Friday | Limit

  1. Love your balance of honesty and humor… didn’t want to stop reading!


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