Size Does Matter

I brag on Dave so much, because he is truly amazing. I love him more everyday. He works full-time, takes care of us, gives meds, changes diapers, makes milk cups, does the grocery shopping, cooks, cleans, and builds bookshelves. And he’s sexy and brilliant.

But the man bought the wrong toilet paper.

He’s been buying our toilet paper for almost a decade. We don’t care about brand, really. We switched from Charmin to Cottonelle awhile back, but that doesn’t matter. Last week, he walks in the door with Cottonelle. But it was triple roll. Triple? These toilet paper rolls look like they ate the double rolls we normally buy. But I wasn’t going to say anything. Because some men won’t even go to the grocery store.

Then I heard Graham sobbing in the bathroom. He wanted to help me by putting the rolls away. We keep one on our toilet paper holder and three in a holder next to the toilet. Graham is all about making sure the toilet paper is stocked. He even replaces the roll when it’s out. I’m telling you, I live in a dream world with the best guys. Dave and I have both always been over-the-front tp people. Graham loads the tp roll opposite of us. So, we officially put the Nature vs. Nurture debate to rest…

“Graham, what’s wrong?”

“Daddy got da wrong toilet paper. It’s so big! It won’t fit anywhere! I told him at da store it was wrong! Dis giant toilet paper is stupid and I can’t even punch it into da holder. It’s too big and I hate it! What we gonna do? He boughted so much of it!”

“We will use it up and buy our double rolls next time. It will be okay.”

“It will never be okay! Mine toilet paper job is gone forever and I’ll never be Luigi in real life. Dis day is da worst. Don’t ever let Daddy buy da giant toilet paper again.”

“Well, thank you for putting the roll on the hook.”

“You’res welcome. It’s because I’m awesome at life.”

You are awesome. Even when you put our toilet paper on the *wrong* way…

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